Uncle Fun and Sparky Land

 

Credit where it’s due: for once, Sparky actually made my life easier. I was stuck for a topic for a presentation I had to do in Music class, when I discovered that Sparky had invited himself over to my house, as usual by way of the basement window. Before I could ask him how he got in without tripping the burglar alarm we’d had specially installed to warn us of his visits, he rushed me over to my laptop and plugged a thumb drive into it. Fearing the worst in the form of a revelation of Sparky’s long-suspected downloading habits, I was pleasantly surprised instead to hear the voice of Mr. Cousins (well, as pleasantly as anyone can be surprised by that), telling me an anecdote from the life of Ludwig van Beethoven.

Now, I thought I already knew everything worth knowing about Beethoven. For example, (unlike Sparky), I knew that “Ode to Joy” was not an outstanding debt to some random girl…and that “Für Elise” wasn’t key money he paid his landlord. Well, it turns out old scowly, wild-haired Ludwig Van is still good for a surprise or two. First of all, I found out that, if you paid him enough, Beethoven could be just as big a hack as anybody else. Second, I learned that the panharmonicon is an instrument I never want to hear—not recorded, and definitely not in person. You can either google to find out what a panharmonicon is, or listen to Mr. Cousins’ description of it, by clicking on the link below:

“Had Beethoven Heard a Hurdy-Gurdy?”

That, by the way, is the unofficial title of this piece, which aired about a decade ago on Canadian taxpayer-supported radio’s cultural uplift service. Whether Mr. Cousins is either cultural or uplifting is still very much a matter for debate—if not in the rest of Canada, then certainly in his own household. One of the more culturally uplifting features of what you’ll be listening to, in fact (should you choose to expose yourself to it), is that Mr. Cousins eventually does stop talking. You can hear the first part of the composition referred to in the broadcast—“Wellington’s Victory”—when this happens. The second part, for those brave enough to press on, can be found by clicking on the blue letters that say “Wellington’s Victory, Part 2”. I won’t spoil the experience for all of you, except to say this: if you cherish and revere Beethoven’s memory, and are looking for a way to celebrate his birthday a day early, I am deeply, deeply sorry for what you’re going to hear.

Oh, yes—and I’ll also tell you that I got an A on the presentation I gave, which was based on the (surprisingly verifiable) subject matter of Mr. Cousins’ little talk. I’m not sure if I would have gotten quite such a good  mark if I’d let Sparky accompany me on the panharmonicon he constructed out of things he found in neighbourhood recycling bins and dumpsters behind pawnshops. Then again, what’s another trip to the school psychologist among friends?

Moose