(As usual, I take no responsibility for what follows.—Uncle Fun)
Those’a you as has bin followin’ this here blog lately has no doubt noticed that there ain’t bin much blog ta follow lately, on ackount’a compyootur problums. You’ll all be glad ta know that I myself personally have bin hard at work on a solushun. My first attempt ta rescue Mister Kuzzens’ compyootur frum Boot-up Hill, usin’ old calculator parts an’ a toaster oven, wuz whut we call in th’ R-an’-D bizness a necessary experiment, an’ wuz not properly appreciated fur th’ useful prototype it wuz. It very nearly almost worked, b’fore th’ electrickul fire started. Some time ta reflect on th’ flaws’a that design has led me ta develop a far more supeeriyur alternative, as well as providin’ me with th’ stuff ta make it outta, in th’ tool shed I wuz locked in while I wuz reflectin’. The fact that whut I came up with is better is proof-positived by th’ fact that th’ first thing my new creeyashun did wuz ta unlock th’ shed fer me. It unlocked it mostly by bashin’ down th’ door, but means an’ ends is all th’ same ta me, ‘cuz it wuz getting’ stuffy in there. An’ so, without further ado, er even further adon’t, I present ta you that marvel of th’ microchip age, my identickul twin android replickant…CyberSparky—!
***initiating greeting sequence***
***greeting sequence complete***
***initiating explanatory text***
i am CyberSparky the marvel of the microchip age
i have been constructed to serve humans by performing the following tasks
***task list begins***
-word processing
(i can do 40 words per minute on a manual typewriter; 60 on an electric one, with almost no mistakes in every other sentence)
-e-mail
(i will stand by one of the free computers at the public library and repel intruders until you are ready to use it)
-home entertainment
(i have 40,000,000 songs in my memory, which i can sing to the tune of “pop goes the weasel” or “she’ll be comin’ round the mountain”, or, if you prefer, both )
-news feeds
(give me the price of a daily paper, plus $1.50 for delivery and handling, and i will get it for you)
-gps
(same protocol as above: for “daily paper” substitute “world atlas”; for “$1.50” substitute “$27.75”)
-making coffee, tea and other hot beverages
(my hard drive is powered by a steam turbine)
-home renovation
(removal of unwanted doors, window panes, and non-load-bearing walls; other tasks awaiting programming)
-financial services
(using a modification of my “home renovation” program, i can access the coin receptacles in most vending machines, public telephones, and parking meters)
-tax preparation
(by taking your return directly to your local taxation office and initiating “home renovation” program on your auditor until you get a refund)
-advice and personal counselling
(my advice is that you all should get a CyberSparky, and pay its creator handsomely for the privilege of doing so)
CyberSparky is the perfect addition to any home
CyberSparky makes an ideal Christmas gift
CyberSparky is the one thing you cannot do without
CyberSparky
CyberSparky
CyberSparky
***ERROR***
***SYSTEM FAILURE***
***executing immediate shutdown***
***shutting down***
Okay, so mebbe there’s one er two bugs left in it yet. I’d like ta see th’ folks in Silicon Valley do any better with whut they’d find inna backyard tool shed.
Sparky
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