There needs to be a new dictionary entry under 'A'...

Greetings from the wrong side of the tracks on the information superhighway:

   Please excuse the 'retro' appearance of the font in this posting. This remnant of the teletype era is all we have to work with for the time being. Like HAL 9000 in 2001: A Space Odyssey, Mr. Cousins' computer responded to a quite reasonable request to start up this morning with a laconic "I'm sorry, Dave...I can't do that". It offered a similar response to the information that no-one domiciled at this address goes by the name of 'Dave'. We're doing our best to stay out of our host's way, as he waits for a house call from the computer doctor. 'Disconsolate' would not be an inaccurate or hyperbolic description of his current state of mind. Like most busy, trusting, and non-technically-oriented souls, he neglected to back up his data. (Those of you who pride yourselves on your conscientiousness in this regard would do well to keep your schadenfreude and "I told you so"s to yourselves, at least until our host has gotten over the idea that a fitting solution to all of life's contretemps--including smug retroactive advice--involves the selective and repeated application of a two-by-four, or some such similar blunt instrument.)

   This situation in no way alters my own personal view of computers, which is that they combine all the salient features of hyperactive toddlers and nonagenarians in advanced stages of dementia. It's all 'go go go' with them until the day comes when they can't remember what day it is. Meanwhile, they've done the digital equivalent of taking all your perishables out of the fridge, and squirreling them away in an inaccessible crawlspace. Mr. Cousins' views on the subject at present are, needless to say, somewhat less measured and level-headed than mine.

   And this is why he feels that a new word needs to be inserted in the dictionary, using force majeure and a crowbar if necessary. There is an expression that sums up the flood of rage, despair, panic, helplessness, and hopelessness, all combined with a rueful sense that this has happened far too many times before, and will happen far too many times again, which pours over the human psyche at times like this. It's commonly spelled "AAAAAAUUUGGGGHHHH". When Charles Schulz first put this word into Charlie Brown's speech balloon, he hit the nail right on the head. No profanity--possibly in any language, ever--serves the dual purpose of venting unbearable frustration and releasing emotional tension quite as well as this piece of comic-strip-inspired keening.

  More on this, and other subjects, later...I see a trickle of tears making its way slowly down the hallway from the Cousins family office. For now, then, I'll sign off, and see if Sparky and I can ease our good friend's grief with a diverting game of three-card monte.

  'Til technology makes it easier to express myself in style again, I remain yours,

Uncle Fun