The Spirit of Romance is alive and well…well, it’s alive…sort of…

Hello, lovers of love everywhere, Uncle Fun here:

   If we have been tardy and remiss in updating this cybernetic bulletin board, it is on account of the fact that Sparky and I have only recently arrived again within hailing distance of the computer affectionately known as the Cousins Family Tower of Power. More on that some other time. For now, let me explain that part of our laxity in regaling a waiting world with our exploits was due to the pressing necessity for Sparky to become reacquainted with the sugar-and-spice-and-all-things-nice half of the firm of Sparky and Moose. In the interest of facilitating reunion and rapprochement, I drew up an itemized list for a series of dates designed to reintegrate Master Sparky and Miss Moose into each other’s social circle.

Sparky:

She’s got ‘bandunmint isshues.

Moose:

You traipse halfway to Central America without telling me, and you wonder why I felt abandoned. Go, on, Uncle Fun—tell everyone what you had planned for us, and how it worked out.

Uncle Fun:

Well, for starters, I envisioned a classy romantic dinner with a sidewalk bistro atmosphere.

Moose:

Half a tube of Squeez-a-Snak and the tail end of a box of Ritz crackers in a bus shelter.

Sparky:

What part’a “Ritz” don’t say “classy”? Some people iz neer satussfyed.

Uncle Fun:

Then, a pleasantly non-competitive game-like activity…

Moose:

Duckpin bowling. The ball can go right between the pins without hitting anything, and it leaves this black guck on your hands.

Sparky:

Any idjit kin knock big bowlin’ pins over with one’a them big balls. It takes skill an’ consuntrayshun ta not knock li’l pins over with a li’l ball.

Uncle Fun:

It has its merits as a spectator sport, if nothing else. We followed that up with a cultural afternoon of live entertainment al fresco.

Moose:

Sitting on a park bench while Sparky reads the Lifestyle section of a Sunday paper someone’s left behind in a variety of silly voices qualifies as ‘live’ and ‘outdoors’, but the jury’s out on whether it’s entertaining to anyone but him.

Uncle Fun:

Mel Blanc he’s not, I’ll give you that.

Moose:

Tonight, it’s Ladies’ Choice. A night on the town capped off by dancing should just about put things right again.

Sparky:

Yeh—an’ th’best thing ‘bout dancin’ when you’n me duz it is it’s like wrestlin’, only I git disslokated shoulders a whole lot less offener outtuvit.

Uncle Fun:

Don’t worry, folks. I’ll be there to keep an eye on them. I’ve got my own date to do some catching up with.

   While we all see to that, why don’t you all have a listen to some handy hints and tips for those looking to break the ice with that special someone.

Uncle Fun