Greetings, Loyal Subjects of the Kingdom of the Internet:
Today is Victoria Day. For those of you in far-flung corners of the globe on which the sun of the British Empire has never risen (or has long since set), Victoria Day is a quaint British North American custom, celebrated in much of what is now called (for want of a better term) Canada on the Monday nearest to the 24th of May, and is intended to commemorate the birthday of the reigning King or Queen of England (like thoroughbred racehorses, British monarchs all share the same birthday, for ease of recordkeeping). In keeping with the spirit of the observance, I shall be attending a garden party at Rideau Hall, the residence of The Right Honourable Governor-General, the Queen’s representative in Canada (assuming that ladder is still where I left it at the back wall). For those of you unaware of the function of the office, the Governor-General of Canada works much like a governor on a car engine, preventing Canada from moving at too great a rate of speed into the future. To keep from standing on ceremony any more than is absolutely necessary, I leave the task of furnishing a brief encapsulation of the significance of the occasion in the capable hands of my adjutant, Sparky.
Yours Vice-Regally by proxy,
Uncle Fun
Queen Victoria Day ruled Englund fer mosta th’ Nineteenth Sentry. She did it fer so long that nobuddy calls them The Victoria Days, they calls them The Victorian Years. She wuz originally a member of th House of Hangover, which becuz she wuz a teetotaler she cooden b’long to, so she married Eddie Albert.
He wuz one of th’ Sax-Coburgers, which meant that he could play Charlie Bird Parker solos while eatin’ a Big Mac. In th’ summers, Queen Victoria Day an’ Prince Eddie Albert would move frum Buckingham Palace (which is named fer a famous English pig what wuz in th’rodeo)…
…to their country home, Green Acres. When they stayed there, they wuz oftin visited by the Prime Minster, Benjamin Disraeli. He usedta rent a room frum them, so now we know where the Disraeli Border wuz in th’ years b’fore 1967.
One’ a the endooring mysteries of Queen Victoria Day’s time at Green Acres is why Mr. Haney never got ta be Prime Minster.
Pat Buttram, who played Mr. Haney, wuz also in a cartoon movie as th’ Sherriff a’ Nottingham (which is named after a famous English pig who wuz a Boy Scout), so there you have it fer his creedenshuls fer high office.
Another famous resident of Green Acres did get ta be Prime Minster much later. His name wuz Arnold Ziffel.
After she got older, Queen Victoria Day died. Some of Victoria Day’s most famous offsprings include such noted Days as Doris, Christmas, Dooms, Pay, an’ th’ most memurable of her children, who usedta deliver th’ mail fer th’ Communist Party, an’ wuz known as Red Letter Day. In fact, she had so many kids that she inspired the sayin’ “Mother told me there’d be days like this”.
Whut Queen Victoria Day iz best known fer is inventin’ th’ automobeel, which wuz known then as th’ Crown Victoria. She wuz also known as th’ Empress of India on accounta how much she rezembuld an ocean liner. She wuz not amused a lot.
Maybe I shouldn’t have gone to that garden party after all.
Uncle Fun
I definitely shouldn’t have come with you. I’m certainly not holding the ladder next time. While I straighten Sparky out on a few basic facts…
…why don’t you guys listen to this, which at least has a little to do with Queen Victoria…well, vaguely. It’s something that Cousins individual did for CBC Radio a few years back.
I think there should be more stuff like this on the CBC, but what do I know?
DISCLAIMER
The opinions expressed by our Miss Moose are those of a strong-willed, hard-headed young tomboy with nothing but the best intentions, and the interests of her friends at heart. The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation is, has always been, and will always be, a noble guardian of its nation’s heritage, culture, and identity, as well as being the outstanding publicly-funded broadcaster in the Americas north of the United States border. Were I not a figment of someone’s imagination, I should consider it a signal honour to enjoy the freedoms which accompany Canadian citizenship…among them, the freedom to go someplace warmer when winter arrives.
Uncle Fun
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