Mr.
Cousins has been getting a newspaper on a free subscription. In addition to
giving us the raw materials for what is turning into a half-decent papier-mâché
replica of the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota, it’s also given Moose
and me the chance to catch up on current events.
So, one
of the bigger deals before Open Mike Night started up there at the U.N. has
been the U.S. presidential election, or as Uncle Fun likes to call it, The Race
for the White Elephant. (Yeah—I don’t get that one, either.) Apparently Barack Obama
has opened up a consistent lead in the Gallup polls. I don’t figure that’s
entirely due to the American voting public’s insatiable appetite for mixed
messages and irrelevancies.
I think
it has more to do with how he looks now. Thanks to the combined pressures of
his job and the Peter Principle, he’s gone from the glib poise of a young Bill
Cosby, only—well, I was going to say “only not as funny”, but that depends on
your opinion of Bill Cosby—to the harried world-weariness of the Chief of
Control.
And who
doesn’t feel sorry for the poor old Chief, right? It’s an easy sell these days,
what with international politics looking more and more like an episode of Get Smart.
(And,
by the way, am I the only one who hears Netanyahu’s voice and immediately
begins to think about those old “Ant and Aardvark” cartoons?)
But
back on topic…since Get Smart seems
to be setting the tone and tenor of the times (Uncle Fun taught me that expression), I
think it’s time for a little Control in the White House (boy, that one writes
its own punchline, doesn’t it?). At the very least, they could plunk Obama and
Romney under the Cone of Silence until November 7, so we don’t have to hear
them flap their gums while saying nothing.
Personally,
I think there’s enough grassroots support for a viable third-party alternative
to make the ranks of Control the ideal place to look for a candidate. Remember
Agent 13, the operative who brought a whole new meaning to the phrase “deep
cover”?
Anybody
who’s spent that much time up to his neck in garbage ought to have no trouble getting
used to Washington. He also stays out of sight most of the time, which would be
a refreshing change in a Chief Executive. And nobody takes much of what he says
seriously, which puts him in line with a presidential tradition that goes back
at least to Gerald Ford.
…or
maybe I mean Agent 44. I can never tell those two apart.
They
could work out who was going to be president and vice-president once they sorted
out who fit best into the hiding places in the Oval Office. Either way, it makes
for a great ticket:
And with
a slogan like that, they’d pull John Kerry onside, and (much more importantly) some
major funding from his wife Teresa Heinz, The Ketchup Queen.
In any
case, I can’t see how this wouldn’t
help the Good Old U.S. of A. I mean, what could possibly happen in a country
with a former spy in power…?
(Okay — mebbe I’m a little
out of line with that one.)
Sparky
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