Like the rest of you, Our Mutual Friend Mister
Cousins, who loans us this space on the internet, also has dreams. I don’t mean
the sort of thing where one wishes for limitless dominion over far-flung
princedoms and heaped-up sums of ready cash. I mean ordinary, everyday—or,
rather, every night—eyes-closed-while-sawing-logs-during-one’s-forty-winks-type
dreams. The following is one of them—a dream that the sleeping Cousins had last
night, and, for reasons known only to himself, has shared with me:
In this dream, as part of the September
drive to the pennant, the Philadelphia Phillies acquired not one, but both
giraffes currently under contract to other major league teams. (This is how you
can tell it’s a dream, by the way—the Phillies are out of contention this year.)
You may look at this lovingly-crafted artist’s
rendition for as long as it takes all that to sink in.
Apparently, this seemed strange to everyone
in the dream as well. For one thing, neither of the giraffes had a particularly
good batting average. A simple explanation cleared up the confusion. It wasn’t
just a quick-fix move by the Phillies—it was part of a long-term plan. You see,
they wanted a breeding pair.
All contributions to help Mister Cousins
get the psychiatric help he so clearly deserves are greatly appreciated.
Uncle Fun
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