Uncle Fun and Sparky Land

 

 

     By the way, I have it on good authority from M’Dear that yoga pants are far and away the best garment for this kind of work. Despite appearances to the contrary, Sparky wasn’t always this keen on sound effects. You might not believe it, but at one time, he numbered himself among the very small number of sworn, deadly and mortal enemies of those who practise what is sometimes known in the business as The Joy of SFX. By that, I mean not so much all of them as one of them in particular.

     The whole regrettable affair began one July not unlike this July, except that it was the July of a year that happened many, many years ago. At the time, Sparky was, surprisingly, looking for work—not exactly the simplest of tasks, since his only marketable job skill is the ability to be a cartoon character. As luck would have it, a television network which shall remain nameless (mostly because I can’t remember which one it was) had taken up an option to build a series around Gerald McBoing Boing, the cartoon boy whose speech consists entirely of sound effects. Concerned that something so high concept might lack the common touch, the network auditioned co-stars to carry the dialogue and generally gag things up a bit. Sparky came out at the top of the short list, and The Gerald McBoing Boing and Sparky Show might still be on the air today, if not for artistic differences between the two principals which erupted on the first day of rehearsals.

     Showing a rare loss of sang-froid where easy money is involved, Sparky stormed out, tore up his contract, demolished his dressing room trailer, pantsed the executive producer, and pilfered assorted office supplies while making lewd remarks to the studio receptionist. Thus began a lifelong rivalry between Gerald and Sparky, one scarcely rivalled by any in showbiz annals for its bitterness and animosity. In honour of the day on which hostilities were openly declared—July 12—and with apologies to those on both sides of the Troubles in Ireland, it has become known as The Battle of the Boing.  

     In the weeks to come, I’ll relate events as they unfolded, but for now, I have to cut this prologue short. For some reason, I’ve allowed myself to be talked into emceeing Funsville's annual Curly Joe DeRita’s Birthday celebrations, so the rest of my evening will be taken up shielding the projectionist from the inevitable hail of tin cans and rotten apples during the traditional showing of Snow White and the Three Stooges.

Uncle Fun